Sherlock's last secret
by iwillseduceyouwithmyweirdness
Summary: Sherlock kept one last secret from John. He decides that it is time to tell him but isn't sure about what the outcome will be. sorry, I am awful at summaries!


It's been about a year since I came back. A lot had changed. John and Mary are happily married. John has quit his (boring) job at the hospital and come to help me again. Just like the old days.

There are many things I have taken from when I was alone. It turns out that I hate being alone. It seems, stupid though most of them are, that I need people; people like John and Mary. I have also got scars form my time away. I won't go into detail about how they came to be, but they are painful reminders of those dreadful times. I have nightmares about them. I hate the thought of them on me, like parasites, feeding on all of the happy times I am having with my friends. I am scared that people will find out about them. That I would have to tell John what I went through for him. He would say that he wasn't worth it (always the solider). It was worth it for him.

Now is the time… it's been two years. Not even Mycroft, who knows that I have these scars, knows how they affect me. John needs to know. He needs to know the last secret of his practice baby before he goes off to another life with his own, real, baby. I must tell him.

I am terrified to tell John what has happened to me. What do I say? How do I say it? I don't think that I could just bring it up. I need to ease him into it. But _how? How do I do it?_ I decide to get John to come round for lunch after the case that we have just solved. He can tell that there is something wrong. I know that I don't have that smug air around me at the minute like I normally do. When we get to the flat, I make some tea and we sit on the sofa together. 'Are you ok?' John questions. He already knows the answer. He also knows that I won't give it to him.

'Of course!' I reply. He can see through my fake smile in an instant.

'I'll go and get some biscuits shall i?' John says as he walks away.

When he brings the biscuits, I notice that he has that worried, fatherly look on his face. It makes me smile slightly that even after all these years, I am still his child. John places his hand on my wrist, at the point where my blood slams through my veins. It feels like an anchor, holding me to the face of the earth. It is making me relax. _I can do this. _

'What is it?' He asks again, this time, with evident concern in his voice. _I can do this. I can tell him._ I think for the second time.

'I feel that you should know everything about me, your practice child, before you have a real child and leave me. Therefore, I have decided to tell you my last secret.' I say in a voice which I hope will conceal my fear of what is to come and hurt that John is leaving me after all of these years together. John gives a slight frown and studies my face with interest.

'May I just say, before you go on, that I am here for you, just like I always have been and always will be. Also that Mary and I may be having a baby, but that doesn't mean that I won't still come and solve crimes Sherlock. I need you. Please carry on and tell me what is wrong.' My hear swells as I hear the words that I have been unknowingly needing to hear ever since I first heard about Mary.

I exhale loudly and stare into the warm, blue eyes of my blogger. 'Well…' I say as I begin to explain my time dismantling Moriarty's web.

Once I have explained the scars on my back and how they affect me, I realise that I have drifted into my mind palace. Feeling John's firm, unwavering grip on my wrist helps me come back to reality. He has tears in his eyes, although they have not yet fallen down onto his face. He looks at me in a way that can only be described as admiration. I was not expecting this. Horror, maybe, but not admiration.

'I shouldn't have told you.' I say, doubt and insecurity creeping into every cell in my body. _Fuck! Why the hell did I do this!? It would never have ended well._ I get up to leave but John's grip on my wrist tightens and I sit back down.

John swore softly under his breath before he spoke, 'Sherlock. I am so glad that you told me. There is nothing to be ashamed of by talking to someone about this. You know that I talk to you about my scars and nightmares. I really admire all that you did for Mrs Hudson, Greg and I and I can't believe that you managed to stay so… _you_ at the end of it all. I want you to know that, like I said before, I will always be here for you. No matter what. If you ever need to talk, you know where I am.'

I am beginning to feel like it wasn't such a bad idea to tell John after all. 'Thank you.' I whisper. 'Listen, I really understand if you don't want to solve crimes with me when the baby comes, it's totally understandable. Just as long as we stay in touch-' John puts his hand up to stop me talking and then shook his head and in the calmest voice conceivable he says: 'You are an idiot sometimes, you know that?' The trace of a grin crept across his face. 'I thought that I had made myself quite clear to you when I said that we will keep working together and I intend to stick to that.' What a bunch of idiots we are! We are just sitting and smiling at each other.

**Beep beep!**

My phone goes off. It's Lestrade.

_Sherlock! There has been another triple homicide down by the Petticoat lane, please come ASAP! –GL_

I dance in delight that my brain will get some stimulus and John and I had out of the door to see what has happened. Just like it always has been.

All was well.

**I really hope you like this! I am not too sure about it myself but it though that I would like to see what people thought of it! Please review! **


End file.
